Rest

Have you ever been out and a complete stranger randomly starts talking to you about their personal life? Yes! It happens to me too.  In those first few awkward moments, millions of thoughts run through my mind ( well maybe not millions, maybe it's just six...who knows).  I ask myself "is that person talking to me?" " should I walk away, pretending I didn't hear them?" " Is that a buggar in his nose?... Do I have a buggar in mine?"...you know, the usual stuff.  Well today I am that person.  I know we're not complete strangers, we did talk about fabric in this post, but we have just recently met and you may still think of me as a stranger but I hope we are fast becoming friends.  (insert smiley face).  And so as friends we should be able to talk about anything, right?

 So we can become better acquainted let me tell you a bit about myself, I'm a mom! that's it, that's all I wanted to say.

Well I'm other things too; a wife, a daughter, etc. etc.....I dont wanna say too much, i wanna let you speak too and learn about you as well.

But yes I'm a mom, a mother, a mommy or as my little people call me: mama. And as you may or may not know a mother's job is never done. Not only am I a mom, but a stay-at-home mom at that, and not only do I stay-at-home, I also homeschool my kiddos, and on top of that my youngest is only eight months old, and on top of that I am in training to TAKE OVER THE WORLD (Ha! Ha! Ha!).

Now I have been doing this mama thing for the last eight years, and boy is it hard...why didn't anyone tell us that?  Shame on you previous generation, you made it look so easy. But one of the things that I find myself fighting with the most on this mama journey is the feeling of guilt.  Yes I said it the "G" word, that little feeling that makes us feel icky inside, that takes away our joy and rest.

These last two weeks I have been lazying around my house doing the absolute bare minimum.  I had the rest of the school year planned out, my daily schedule was "front and center" on my fridge, I was good to go...until I wasn't. My body said no. I was tired. My mind knew it, it's connected to my body, but noooo it still had to make my heart feel guilty for wanting to rest. And so began the fight, that war within my heart that says "you're human, you're just one person, you need it, go ahead and rest", but the next thought says, "what kind of mother are you? God gave you a job to do and here you are lazying around, what would God think?" And so...GUILT.  Guilt that I'm not doing enough, that I'm not good enough.  Oh lord, I drive myself crazy.

 For some reason, the last few weeks, I've also been thinking about the story of Mary and Martha. Martha worked. Mary rested. And yet Mary made the better choice.  I'm not necessarily sure that Martha wanted to work ( at least she didn't want to work alone), I don't think she realized she could rest. I know the spiritual significance of this story but I also think it speaks to our physical rest as well.

Sometimes I do the same thing.  I know I have responsibilities, things that must be done, and yet I don't realize that I am allowed to rest without the fear of guilt weighing me down. I have been on this motherhood journey for the last eight years and I am now just beginning to understand the significance of rest, that I need it, I can't live without it.

Oh man, that was a lot, my "TAKE OVER THE WORLD" training starts soon so I have to get going but before I go, tell me, do you fight with guilt as well when you try to rest?