When Grace is Enough

There are days when I feel accomplished. Days when the house is clean, the kids are fed and showered and everything feels peaceful. Days when my children are kissed and told they are loved, when the laughter, the singing and the dancing fill our rooms and our hearts. On those days I feel like I've done it right ("it" being this motherhood thing, of course).  Those are the days that I feel that God would have given me a high five.

Then, of course, there are days when everything I've described above doesn't seem to happen and I feel as though I'm fighting a battle that has already been lost. Days when every decision, no matter it's simplicity, seem to weigh a ton on my shoulders.  On those days the tears are many, the anger is real and the joy is lost.

I remember one of those "bad" days. In fact it had started out as a good day, and since it was a good day I decided I wanted to treat the boys by taking them out to eat (if those boys could eat out everyday, they would be in heaven). On that day though, it seemed that they were just not listening, and so in my frustration I told them I would no longer do what I had promised them.  And even though I had just broken my word to them, I knew that my frustrations had gotten the best of me and that in actuality I had wanted to take them out.  So while standing in my laundry room, frustrated and trying to decide whether I should change my mind again and take them out or whether I should teach them a "lesson" for not listening, I asked God what I should do.

Immediately He laid on my heart 2 Corinthians 12:9  and immediately I was reminded of God's grace.  In in those few moments as I cried out to God because of my frailed mothering, God was made perfect in my eyes. God is perfect, He's a perfect father and He's a perfect God. I am imperfect, an imperfect woman and an imperfect mother. I was able to see God for His faithfulness, to understand that his promises to me are not based on how "good" I am, but they are solely based on who He is.  And as I was reminded of that, as I was able to understand that God still blesses me even when I don't listen, I was able to share grace with my boys.

So with renewed strength I got out of the laundry room, told my boys that I had changed my mind again, and we went and enjoyed ourselves.

 

Mothering is HARD; It is full of blessings, but it is hard, so each day I have to learn to live moment by moment in God's grace and not in the successes or failures of my effort.

In what areas of your life do you feel weak? Pray about them, give them over to The Lord, but see those imperfections as an opportunity to see a perfect, holy and gracious God. 

So how will you choose to live today?

Rest

Have you ever been out and a complete stranger randomly starts talking to you about their personal life? Yes! It happens to me too.  In those first few awkward moments, millions of thoughts run through my mind ( well maybe not millions, maybe it's just six...who knows).  I ask myself "is that person talking to me?" " should I walk away, pretending I didn't hear them?" " Is that a buggar in his nose?... Do I have a buggar in mine?"...you know, the usual stuff.  Well today I am that person.  I know we're not complete strangers, we did talk about fabric in this post, but we have just recently met and you may still think of me as a stranger but I hope we are fast becoming friends.  (insert smiley face).  And so as friends we should be able to talk about anything, right?

 So we can become better acquainted let me tell you a bit about myself, I'm a mom! that's it, that's all I wanted to say.

Well I'm other things too; a wife, a daughter, etc. etc.....I dont wanna say too much, i wanna let you speak too and learn about you as well.

But yes I'm a mom, a mother, a mommy or as my little people call me: mama. And as you may or may not know a mother's job is never done. Not only am I a mom, but a stay-at-home mom at that, and not only do I stay-at-home, I also homeschool my kiddos, and on top of that my youngest is only eight months old, and on top of that I am in training to TAKE OVER THE WORLD (Ha! Ha! Ha!).

Now I have been doing this mama thing for the last eight years, and boy is it hard...why didn't anyone tell us that?  Shame on you previous generation, you made it look so easy. But one of the things that I find myself fighting with the most on this mama journey is the feeling of guilt.  Yes I said it the "G" word, that little feeling that makes us feel icky inside, that takes away our joy and rest.

These last two weeks I have been lazying around my house doing the absolute bare minimum.  I had the rest of the school year planned out, my daily schedule was "front and center" on my fridge, I was good to go...until I wasn't. My body said no. I was tired. My mind knew it, it's connected to my body, but noooo it still had to make my heart feel guilty for wanting to rest. And so began the fight, that war within my heart that says "you're human, you're just one person, you need it, go ahead and rest", but the next thought says, "what kind of mother are you? God gave you a job to do and here you are lazying around, what would God think?" And so...GUILT.  Guilt that I'm not doing enough, that I'm not good enough.  Oh lord, I drive myself crazy.

 For some reason, the last few weeks, I've also been thinking about the story of Mary and Martha. Martha worked. Mary rested. And yet Mary made the better choice.  I'm not necessarily sure that Martha wanted to work ( at least she didn't want to work alone), I don't think she realized she could rest. I know the spiritual significance of this story but I also think it speaks to our physical rest as well.

Sometimes I do the same thing.  I know I have responsibilities, things that must be done, and yet I don't realize that I am allowed to rest without the fear of guilt weighing me down. I have been on this motherhood journey for the last eight years and I am now just beginning to understand the significance of rest, that I need it, I can't live without it.

Oh man, that was a lot, my "TAKE OVER THE WORLD" training starts soon so I have to get going but before I go, tell me, do you fight with guilt as well when you try to rest?

Optical Illusions

Remember when we broke the Internet?...no? Well let me remind you.  Remember when everyone and their mamas were trying to figure out the color of a dress?  Are you starting to remember now...?  Remember the controversy, the headache, the ruined friendships this situation caused ( I wonder if anyone did really lose a friend over that)? We as a nation, as a world could not figure out whether the dress was white and gold or blue and black....yes you remember now!  Well the same thing has happened again, except this time the controversy is between me, myself, and I.

I went to Walmart and I saw this beautiful fabric.

   

It had a behive pattern with a very subtle shimmer.  It was very soft and had a slight stretch. It had a beautiful rich navy blue color to it, it was beautiful, and at $1.50 a yard, I had to have it.  I imagined the many things that I could do with it; curtains for my boy's room? Wrapping furniture with it?  I was beyond excited, that is, until I got home.  The white and gold dresses had in fact been black and blue.  What was suppose to be a beautiful rich blue fabric had in fact just been black.  I almost cried! Don't get me wrong I love the black, but something changed in me when the fabric "changed" color. I know what you're thinking, navy blue and black are not as big a deal as the white/ gold, blue/ black controversy.  Yes you are completely right, but you may also be completely wrong. (Can one be completely right and completely wrong at the same time)?  

My eyes completely failed me! I don't know if I can ever rely on them again? Are you starting to see the gravity of this problem? What other things have I been wrong about?  Are my kitchen walls really red? ( yes they are girl!... Pictures coming soon).  Is the sky really blue?  Maybe it's really green!  Ok, ok maybe not! I'm being just a tad neurotic but that's ok, I'll be fine in a couple hours when I look at the fabric again and realize I didn't love it for its "color" alone.  So now new adventures begin. What will I do with this fabric? Maybe I'll cover my headboard, maybe I'll make curtains...yes maybe curtains!  I'll let you guys know what I decide.

My heart

HELLO WORLD......

I have wanted to say that for about 5 years now, ha!  I've done it, I have started blogging! I am excited for this new journey and hope that you come along with me for the ride.  My goal is that I can share bits and pieces of my life so that you can see my heart.